Don't let the bedbugs bite!
by Jemmiah
Summary: ObiWan's attempts at child minding don't quite go to plan...


This story takes place five years before TPM. Obi-Wan is 20 and Jemmy is 16.

TITLE: Don't let the bedbugs bite.

"This is my idea if hell." Jemmiah stated firmly to Obi-Wan.

The crèche was filled as far as the eye could see by a Sithly swarm of the youngest of initiates, aged roughly between two and five. Jemmiah had supposed that being force sensitive the squidlings would have been instructed in the importance of proper behavior.

Not a bit of it.

"It'll only take half an hour," Jemmiah sarcastically mimicked her guardian Evla Sovalla, who was the crèche master in charge of the little dears. Except that she had to take one little boy to see the healers after an accident on a slide. 

Why, Jemmiah cursed silently, had she picked that moment to visit her guardian? Half an hour, indeed! That had been an hour ago.

"It's not that bad." Obi-Wan replied, as one of the kids flicked him with paint. It splattered across his face, leaving a big trail of red across his nose.

"No, I can see you've got everything under control." Jemmiah snickered.

"I'm doing better than you are," he retorted as he rubbed the paint from underneath his eyes, "at least I'm trying to be nice." He set his teeth in a smile. He had the vaguest idea he resembled a holo news presenter.

"Why should I?" Jemmy grumbled. "I hate kids."

"They're OK." Kenobi shrugged indifferently. "Provided you can hand them back at the end of the day." He dodged a foam brick.

Jemmiah couldn't help but sulk. The sparkle in her eyes had completely disappeared and altered into something altogether more sinister. A small Wookie child got to feel the heat of her glare as it sat picking at its nose.

"Don't stare like that!" Hissed Obi-Wan, "You're frightening them."

"I don't like kids getting too close and brushing against me." She shivered.

"He was over five meters away!" Obi-Wan exclaimed. "Say something nice to the kids!"

Jemmiah looked horrified.

"Pardon?" She asked. "Did you just put the words 'nice' and 'kids' in the same sentence?"

"I give up." He folded his arms. "Why don't you play with them. Didn't you ever play when you were a child?"

"Who with, thin air?" Jemmiah bit back. She saw the look in his eye and backed down. "OK, OK," she grumbled, "I'll try and be nice. But the emphasis here is on TRY. I don't care what Yoda says on the subject." She let her gaze rest upon a freckle-faced boy not too far away and tried to smile sweetly.

"If you could look as if you weren't about to go for their jugulars, that would be really good." Kenobi said dryly.

She sighed. It was obviously more difficult than she thought.

The little boy stared up at her. "My name's Toms." He said with a wide, gap toothed grin.

"Hi!" Jemmy drawled. She studied him a moment "You're Corellian, aren't you?"

The boy nodded.

"That's good. That's really…good." She frowned. What else should she say? Sith, she hated kids!

An idea struck her.

"Hey kid, you know what us Corellians are good at, don't you?" She grinned.

"No?" The boy blinked.

"Causing mayhem and mischief. You any good at mayhem and mischief, Toms?"

"Yeah!" He giggled.

"Good!" She smirked, and let him take her hand. "I think this is going to be the beginning of a beautiful friendship."

Obi-Wan watched her in amusement. So much for the 'I hate kids' routine.

A foam brick hit him on the head.

"OK. Who threw that?" He snapped.

*****************************

Twenty minutes later and Evla had still not returned.

"Time for lunch." Obi-Wan said, looking at the nutritious gloop that had been served up. 

Did I really survive on this stuff for twelve years, he wondered?

"Yum! That looks really…really good!" He lied unconvincingly.

"Stop fibbing, Ben. It looks like a great big pile of cat sick." Jemmiah argued. She fished into her shoulder bag. "Who wants some candy?" She asked, her ears immediately being assaulted with little soprano screeches of "ME! ME!"

"You can't!" Obi-Wan gawked. "They don't allow it here…"

"Yes, well. I've been left in charge for Siths sake! How will the kiddies know what they're missing if they don't ever get to taste candy?" She put her hand in her bag and started throwing them up in the air for the children to catch.

As they jumped up in their seats some of the plates and bowls went flying onto the floor.

"Nevermind that." Jemmy smiled. "You didn't want that vile Nerfs doo-doos anyway, did you?"

"NOOOOOOOO!" They chorused.

Obi-Wan felt that he would break down and cry.

*******************************

Jemmiah was bored. She watched the children munching on their candy and felt the sudden urge to cause a lot of trouble.

"Hey, kids. Who wants to hear a rhyme?"

The kids all agreed.

"Mary had a little Nerf,

It turned out rather vicious,

She cooked it in a casserole

And said it was delicious!"

Some of the kids started to cry.

"Great Jemmiah, just great." Obi-Wan carped. "Wonderfully inspired choice."

"They didn't like it?" She looked surprised.

"Of course they didn't!" Kenobi was exasperated. "You really are useless with kids, aren't you?"

"I'm doing my best!" She glowered.

"Then pick something nice."

"I don't know anything nice." Jemmy muttered.

"I liked it!" Toms said.

"There, you see. The kid liked it." She smiled at the boy. "Good for you. Us Corellians gotta stick together, huh?"

She picked up her spoon and filled it with the uneaten mush on the plate, flicking it across the table at Obi-Wan. Some of it landed smack on his braid.

"Cut that out, Jemmiah!" He yelped.

"Uh-oh. I'm in big trouble now, Toms. He only ever calls me Jemmiah when he's angry at me, or wants to seem well educated."

She reloaded the spoon and handed it to the boy. "We shall have to see what we can do about that, won't we?"

"Yeah!" He grinned before flicking the spoon forward. Kenobi ducked.

"No fair." Complained the boy. "He moved."

Obi-Wan watched as multiple tiny eyes turned upon him.

"No…look. This is a VERY bad idea."

He tried to fend off the edible missiles with his hands. 

"Who's for a food fight?" Jemmiah shouted before landing a blow on Obi-Wan's chin.

****************************

The entire room was daubed from top to bottom with sludge. It covered the floor, the walls and the initiates. Jemmiah had what appeared to be apple puree stuck to her hair, whilst Obi-Wan's robes were smothered in something yellow and mango-ish.

"We are going to die." He said, surveying the mess with hands on hips.

"Oh, well. The kids enjoyed themselves." Jemmy smiled.

"I think you enjoyed it the most."

"Possibly." She walked over to the kids, who were helping to wipe down the eating surfaces. "What do you know about the force, kids?"

"It's in us and in everything." Toms said proudly.

"And it gives us our powers." The Wookie said into his translator.

"That's right." Jemmiah crouched down to their level, speaking seriously. "Because we are all linked you can sense each other through the force, can't you?"

They all nodded.

"All life is linked, you see? Which is why the next time you go to bed, I want you to try and visualise and get a feel for the millions of bedbugs that are living in your sheets." She stood up again. "Try it. It's a really good exercise."

The kids looked as if they'd been struck dumb.

"What did you say to them?" Obi-Wan demanded.

"Nothing." She replied innocently, fingers crossed behind her back.

She took a swift look at the mess.

"Do you think we stand any chance of getting away with this before Evla comes back and…"

"Before Evla comes back and what?" Cut in the stern voice of Jemmiah's guardian, with the wounded child in tow.

"What have you done?" Came the horrified exclamation.

"Just teaching the kids about the force." Jemmiah looked at her feet.

"And what sort of lesson was it?" Demanded Evla.

"That having the force is no match for having a good edible missile at your side." Jemmiah smiled hesitantly, as her guardian looked at the carnage in astonished silence.

"I think we'll be off then…bye!" She said before running out the door and dragging Obi-Wan behind her.

****************************

"How is she?" Asked Qui-Gon ruefully.

"Don't get too close." Evla warned. "Not unless you've had Florizan Measles."

Jemmiah glared at her. "How long do I have to stay in bed for?" She mumbled.

"Until you're no longer infectious." Replied Evla unsympathetically.

"Sith! I hate kids!" Jemmiah threw the covers over her head.

Evla smiled at Qui-Gon. "I gave her a choice. She stays in bed or she goes to the healers. You can guess what she chose."

"Indeed." Jinn watched the figure squirm under the covers. "How did she contract it, do you know?"

"The little Corellian boy Toms Yarall seems to be the source."

"I knew he was trouble the moment I set eyes on him." Came a pillow drowned mumble.

"No you didn't." Obi-Wan replied.

"Shut up." She flung the covers back angrily. "How come you haven't got this thing and I have?"

"Because I didn't show favoritism and spend my time grabbing their grubby little paws." Kenobi answered.

"You really don't like children, do you?" Mused Qui-Gon. "I have to agree up to a point." He looked deliberately at Obi-Wan. "Children should be seen and not heard. That's what I always used to say to my apprentice. Not that it did any good."

"Not heard?" She growled. "If you ask me they shouldn't be seen either." Jemmiah stared up at Evla. "If you're waiting on me making you a surrogate grandmother, you're in for a long wait. I hope you realise that."

"I think the illness is making her grumpy." Evla apologised. "She's at the irritable stage."

"And when will she leave the irritable stage?" Qui-Gon enquired politely. "In a year? Two years, maybe…"

She threw the pillow at him.

"Our patient is overwrought. I think it's best if we just leave her for a bit." Evla smiled. She closed Jemmiah's door softly behind her.

"This is all I need at the moment. I'm having a hard enough time just now worrying about the children without adding Jemmiah to my list of woes."

"How do you mean?" Jinn asked.

"Well," Evla frowned as she recollected the scene from the last few nights, "for some strange reason, the kids are afraid to go to bed. It started when another crèche master and myself were tucking the initiates in. We started to say 'Goodnight, sleep tight and hope the bedbugs don't bite', and they all jumped up and refused to go back to bed."

She sighed. "I can't think what on Coruscant made them do that."


End file.
